Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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