Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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