hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
