How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
