I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize