Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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