My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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