O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
