i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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