i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
