I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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