My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
