oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
