She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
