I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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