I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
