im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
