I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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