two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
