so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
