Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
