I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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