I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
