im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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