I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
