you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
