bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
