On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
