only if we run a train.
done.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
