I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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