the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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