Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
