I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
