He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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