It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
