The maid of honor just puked.
I could make wine with my vomit
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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