how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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