I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
