now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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