fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
