I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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