Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
