If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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