my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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