We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
