Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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