yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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