fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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