I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
whose parrot is this?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
