Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
