I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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